Children, Exercise, and Sport
In a past entry, I suggested that children imitate their parents. My son follows my lead. If I do pushups, he does pushups. If I hit the bag, he hits the bag. He loves every minute of it. He runs around the gym laughing, and loves being inside the ring. Troy associates the gym with play. He wears a smile from ear to ear. The only downside to his regular visit to the gym is when it is time to leave. He’s never happy when it’s time to pack up.
Now, as much as Troy enjoys the gym, it’s important for me as a parent to realize that he is only 22 months old. If he comes to the gym, he is coming to play. This isn’t work to him. It’s fun time. He views pushups, squats, and bag work as endless fun. He’s grown up in the gym since he was an infant. He is around this lifestyle day in and day out. Fighters often train right at my house. Troy always wants a piece of the action. If boxing is on TV, he runs over and throws punches. He laughs and giggles the entire time. It’s fun, and as a parent, I’ll make sure it is always fun. This isn’t work. This isn’t training. This is play.
Unfortunately, not all parents understand that exercise and sport must be fun. I’ve had parents brag to me that they push their children harder than adults. Last week, a parent emailed me, bragging that his three year old son has the heart of a champion. How the hell does a three year old have the heart of a champion? How do we come to this conclusion? Has the three year old fought through championship rounds?
Some parents need a wake up call. Kids need to be kids. As a parent, it is your job to make this happen. Don’t try to live your dreams through your child. You had your own life. Don’t try to live out another. I can’t count how many young fighters that I’ve seen excessively pushed by their fathers. The kids become teenagers who are already worn out physically and mentally, and end up losing all interest sports and physical exercise.
It’s our job to lead from the front, but this doesn’t mean abandoning our responsibility as loving parents. Let’s all get our kids involved in exercise and sport, but never push the children too soon. They will have plenty of time to be pushed as they grow older and more mature. The infant years are not the time however. No one becomes a champion at three years old. Let the kids have some fun, whether it is at the gym, out in the yard, at the beach, on a walk with your dog, etc.
Let a kid be a kid…
Ross
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Great post Ross. I have a 19 month old son and he is the same way. He loves to throw punches like mommy and daddy and tries to emulate whatever exercise he sees us doing. Kids learn so much through observation and their drive to explore it’s so inspiring to watch them build themselves up.
It’s hard for me to see other parents show kids the “right” way to everything instead of let them figure things out on their own even when it involves them taking many missteps, or a path the parents don’t understand. Anyway it looks like Troy is having a great time having fun with Dad.
Right on brother!! I see it in the youth sports my kids are involved in all the time.
Good post Ross. I’ve always seen other guys in my sport quit as we were going up through the levels because of parents putting too much pressure on them. It’s a shame we’ve probably lost some great athletes because of this.
Spot on. I knew a kid whose father pushed him to the limit with exercise and athletics. He doesn’t compete in anything anymore. He was a really good sprinter, hurdler and was fairly competent at a few sports.
When I was young, every minute I could I was in the garden kicking a ball? Why? Because I enjoyed it. It was as simple as that. I’d run in to get my tea then be back out kicking a ball again. It wasn’t exercise for the sake of it, it was simply something I enjoyed doing.
When I went to primary school, that’s infant/junior school in the United States I would guess, we used to turn up early to kick a ball around, we used to do the same at breaktime and the same at a lunchtime, then probably after school as well. Every minute we could we were out playing football. Of course people go different ways but most of those who simply enjoyed it, still do enjoy it.
You can guess why so many people here in the United Kingdom like football (soccer) most of us are kicking a ball around because we enjoyed it during our youth.
My Dad has a keen interest in fitness and has played sport all his life, of course that influences how I grow up but my Dad would never have forced me to play a particular sport or anything like that.
Like you said Ross, it’s about that imitation. I grew up watching my Dad play football and of course that plays a huge role in my growing up, but my Dad didn’t ever force me to play football.
Excellent blog entry, another fine pearl of wisdom from you, Ross.
It’s heartbreaking, because I have seen this firsthand. I witnessed a father pushing his son (who was probably about 5 or 6) to basically become a UFC fighter, by the standards he was laying down for this kid. The father was constantly on his son about more sit-ups, more pushups, more squats, etc. Last I saw, this kid was extremely close to being able to do a one arm pushup- at six years of age. Not because it was a personal goal (I can’t imagine this would be a goal of many six-year-olds), but because his father was pushing him to it. Now, why being able to do a one-arm pushup has anything to do with fighting skill, I’m not sure, but clearly this kid was exhausted and worn down by the constant demands (and corrections, because nothing he did was right, and if it was right, there was no praise). I could already see how burned out he was, and he’s so young. I wanted to tell this father how ridiculous it all was, but it simply wasn’t my place :/.
Parents have got to stop pushing their kids to excellence in these extraneous areas of life. What’s important is that kids love to be exercise without realizing it’s exercise. If your kid is a natural-born piano/football/fighter/artist prodigy, then it simply won’t matter at which phase of their life they get into that area- if they have a natural talent in it, they’ll excel, and probably do far better far quicker than the kids who have been doing it since they were 3 years old. Just let them be kids and wait and see the type of person they’ll wind up being- you’ll miss out on discovering who they were meant to be if you try and push a false identity on them. There’s a season for everything, and if they’re young, it’s the season of self-discovery and playtime! Don’t let you or your child miss out on the joys of this season- you’ll never get it back.
so true.
cheers bro!
Great post Ross.
Excellent post. Unfortunately, I too have witnessed this attrocity. What makes it even more sickening, is that most parents I’ve seen do this are so out of shape, they could stand to put the sandwich down and do a couple thousand push-ups themselves.
What strikes me as alarming is that SO MANY others have similar stories and experiences. I’ve seen the problem with young fighters, but it appears that it branches out to almost every sport as well.
Ross
When i learned how to be a coach, the workshop on child protection considered that extreme cases of ‘pushy parents’ was child abuse, and as such should be reported to the authorities.
At the time i laughed at the suggestion, because it is just so common.
Certainly something that needs to be constantly adressed, good blog
Funny how you should post this now, right while I am reading a book containing a segment on this (Play as if your life depends on it, Frank Forencich).
Unfortunately play is something we stop doing as adults as well. If we looked at everything as if we where children we would have alot more fun during exercise as oppossed to feeling we have to.
But especially in children, and ontop of the growing epidemic of obesity world wide (I’m in the UK and see it also), we need to instill fun and play with being physical, and take out the competition and seriousness of sports for kids. A) if they are not naturally, they will not be picked because they want the team to ‘win’ or B) they are pushed and the fun goes out the window because of the pressure to win. Either way, you’re instilling negative associations with physical activity which can lead to a life time of inactivity.
Awesome article Ross.
Cheers
Chris
This needs to be picked up by the AP and be run in every newspaper, large and small, across America.
Ross, wise words indeed. As a parent I see the joy physical activity brings to my kids, whether it be sledging in the snow, mimicking burpees with me or more organized team practices and games. That joy shown and the knowledge that they are doing something healthy both physically and mentally is enough to disparage any thoughts of pushing them further into the realms of frustration and burnout, if one could use that term. Kids need parents as role models in so many ways and that responsibility cannot as you say lead us into trying to re-live our own pasts through our children’s activities. My dad loved sport and instilled that into me in a supportive, not pushy way and that’s the legacy I hope to pass to my small ones. Keep it steady Ross.
Cheers,
Tom
your son is adorable!